Walk Away

Walk away…

You don’t have to announce yourself.  Walk away as if nobody will notice. 

You walk away hoping nobody will notice.

What you need is a moment alone. 

Find a quite place and cry.

Pray nobody comes and sees you and cry.

How did you get here?  You feel so confused.  As you sit with your knees pressed to your face.  As you lay with your eyes in the pillow,

you ask yourself “How did I get here?” 

When the day began you didn’t feel exceptionally good but you didn’t think today was a lost cause.

When you were around people you noticed that it seemed as if you and everyone around you were having different conversations.  Everything they said to you getting meaner and meaner

and everything you said just trying to recover self.

They will wonder why you were being so cruel to them but you will not understand what they mean. 

Maybe you’re so wrapped up in the jabs between you and the others that you don’t even realize how aggressive you feel until

Someone says something that just cuts through.

You feel cut deep and betrayed.

You can’t hear the cruel things coming out of your mouth as your mind reels.  When you talk it over with them the next day they ask you why?  They were so excited to see you.  To spend time with you and you were horrible.  They hadn’t expected it.  Of course you resent them for behaving the way they did but as you explain they just become more frustrated with you.

At night, you will feel regret.

Your heart will swell.

You’ll know you have something beautiful to say to them.

Something full of love.

Something full of regret.

They’ll never hear it and you’ll never remember it.

Something to show them.

A wordless faceless emotion that they’ll never get to meet.

When you wake

it will just be something to distant to even take seriously.

When it comes again you’ll wish they could just plug into your soul and hear your sound.

In that moment of regret and love you’ll understand what you did wrong. 

Still unexplainable though it will hang in your mind, your throat, and your heart

waiting for you to find a way.

It feels like an exercise in futility.

It feels like a waste.

You wonder if it is vain.

I believe it is important.

I believe in remembering that feeling.

So in the moment of pure spite. 

The moment that generates the regret

The sadness of rejection that feels undeserved, though it is not

You must walk away.

Find a quite place and cry.

Sneak away if you can.

You won’t ever truly escape notice

but don’t make a scene

and as you cry alone and full of regret

you might come close

might glimpse

that feeling of love

that feeling of caring

and you might ,

after the crying,

make up for how worthlessly cruel you are

sometimes.